Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
