okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
