why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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