: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
