you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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