You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
