Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize