cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
