Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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