I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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