on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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