so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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