I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
