Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
