She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
