if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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