Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize