I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize