He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
