Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
