I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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