Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
