Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
