Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
