I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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