I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
