The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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