i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
