based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
