There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
