The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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