Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
