Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
