I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize