Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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