oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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