Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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