when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
