Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
