I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
