I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
