Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
