ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
