Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
