Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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