Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
