so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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