You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They have beer where we have blood.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
