No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
