Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
