I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
