he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
