god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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