Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
