The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
