i already hear my dad disowning me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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