**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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