ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
