remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
