this beer tastes like vomit already
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
