If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
