just tell him i said nine months
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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