I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
