I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
