I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We need a shit load of segways right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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