you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize