just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
