Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
