I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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