I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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