can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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