I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
