I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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