just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you had me at cake vodka
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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