as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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