I love black thongs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
