You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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