JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
