i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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