I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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