it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize