I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
