he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
