READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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