Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
